when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
