Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
