We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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