I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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