I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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