If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
