I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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