Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize