guys are only as good as the porn they watch
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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