i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
