Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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