what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We had sex on a dog bed..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
