This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
