My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
