Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
