farters have to be the big spoon...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
