I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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