my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
