The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
