It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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