I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
