smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
