That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
