I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
