I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
