Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
