I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
