You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
