the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
