Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
