Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
