His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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