we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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