she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
