I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
