is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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