She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
this is an emotional support booty call
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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