I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
