Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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