I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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