just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
