i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
