cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
