dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
