you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
