We need to rekindle our bromance
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
