I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
