i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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