Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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