Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
